"The comedian's disease is when they become philosophers." - Norm MacDonald quoting Johnny Carson about George Carlin

"And blah blah blah the punchline was nigger in a Buick, and they bleeped BUICK." - Patrice O'Neal

"Please...are you kidding?? No man has ever put his hands up a women's dress looking for a library card." - Joan Rivers

"I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." - Bill Cosby while date raping.

“This is what making covering Donald Trump so difficult. What does he mean when he says words?” - Zachary Wolf, managing editor of CNN.

"Strippers are like the Google of the streets." - Dave Chappelle

"Larry King once said to a man,"Your son died when he was six. Paul Newman told me you never got over it."" - Norm MacDonald

Why so serious

"Profanity cheapens the soul and weakens the mind" - The Middleman (TV series)

"It's fine to celebrate success but it is more important to heed the lessons of failure." - Bill Gates

"A friend told me that comedy is a reconciliation of paradox." - Dave Chappelle

"My heart is a coloured pencil, but my brain is an eraser.” - George Watsy.

"The world began without knowledge, and without knowledge will it end. Dost not this ring clear and true? Fear not, the dark, my friend. And let the feast begin." - Locus Preacher of Dark Souls

“Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not, you will also regret it… Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will regret that too; hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it either way; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy.” - Søren Kierkegaard

"Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays." - Søren Kierkegaard

"What is a poet? An unhappy person who conceals profound anguish in his heart but whose lips are so formed that as sighs and cries pass over them they sound like beautiful music." - Søren Kierkegaard

"Your lives will not even begin to redress the balance." - Zenos Yae Galvus

"So the intention here was to have a conversation. We were going to choose an interesting person to ask interesting questions and I would respond with interesting answers; and you'd have an interesting piece of audio to listen to. The more I thought about it the less interesting that concept became." Trent Reznor, Conversation with...

"To be interesting, be interested." - Dale Carnegie

"A good comic says funny things; a great comic says things funny." - source unknown

"It's better to burn out than to fade away." - Neil Young

Why me so serious

"Kindness and truth should not be praised; they should be expected."

"Separating reality is the only thing that makes it a fantasy."

"I'm a loner by situation, not by choice."